I have to laugh. I’ve been “blogging” – as it were – for over 10 years. Less people care now than back then. I connected with a fair number of folks who seemingly understood me. The vast majority of them have faded away. “Real Life” eventually got in the way, and I drifted from my writings. Now I am spending more time alone than ever. More time to think. More time to dwell. More time to obsess.
Now, I just write to get it out. To make more room in the ever-overflowing me for more depressive regurgitation.
I feel no guilt because I no longer feel invested. When true intentions (or lack thereof) come to light, it’s like a vacuum. Sucking the innocence out like dust. I’d rather spend my time alone. Too much energy expended on pretending is not healthy. Wrapping myself in a blanket, protecting myself from the world sounds smarter.
Watching nothing but MTVJams all day has taught me that there are still some very excellent rappers out there – talented with words, witty, clever, etc. And then there are some that are just TERRIBLE.
Another night, but the same couch. Same dinner I eat most nights. Same pattern of — eat, watch reruns of SVU, take some meds, go to sleep. I’m starting to prefer this way of life versus human interaction. I suppose it’s no surprise. People are annoying, flawed, and will ultimately let you down. I can be as self-centered as the rest of them, you know. I just choose to do it in solitary. The world can revolve around you…when you’re the only one in it.