I can’t even put into words…

I’m so done. I am so done even making attempts to be friends with people anymore.  Why should I even be friends with people who are NOT NICE.  Who will take the first opportunity to slam someone else.  Who make me question myself and my sanity and somehow ended up making me feel bad for who I am, who I associate with and what I do?

I have friends.  I have friends who I’ve had for 20 years.  I have friends who I’ve had for 3 years.  5 years.  I have a husband who loves me, and a family who loves me and misses me.  Why on earth should I put myself out there, trying to seek approval from folks who, let’s face it, wouldn’t give a shit if my chips were down.

I’m losing faith in humanity by the second.  And in some ways, it’s actually bleeding into ME…making me a not nice person.  That’s not who I am!  The toxicity of others is subtly influencing me for the worse.  And that’s fucking bullshit.

I’m sorry to those who are my dear friends and loved ones.  I’m sorry that this has happened.  I’m sorry that I’ve become someone less than worthy. I’m sorry that I’ve become mean-spirited and distant.  Something needs to change…something in ME needs to change.

I’ve been let down…and in turn, I am letting others down.  That’s not the way it’s supposed to go.

 

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About meredithelaine

thirty-something. karaoke diva. just trying to get by.
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