Yes, I am awake at almost 430am. I have been awake since 2am. This does not bode well for my upcoming day.
I got home from dinner with friends at about 930 or so, and promptly got ready for bed. Because I am clearly a little old lady in that respect. Summer has finally decided to arrive in San Diego, much to my chagrin. Because my apartment is a balmy 90 degrees or so. Due to having 4 break-ins in our complex the first year we lived here, I dare not keep the windows and/or doors open at night while sleeping. I don’t even think our living room windows have the capability of opening. I’m sure they DO, but it would take a lot more manpower than I possess. Even though I’m getting ripped at the gym these days. Our complex is old, and the windows are stubborn and stiff. I can only open one of my bedroom windows. The other will not budge. But since I was out for most of the evening, I didn’t get a chance to open what windows I could, plus our front and back doors, in order to get a cross-breeze and try and get the apartment to cool off a little.
So, hence ergo, it is hot as balls in my house, and I can’t sleep. I’ve probably slept a total of about an hour or 2. And I’ve been up for a few hours already. My gym opens in a 1/2 hour – I’d walk down there and get a workout in, if I wasn’t terrified of being attacked. I might be paranoid, but then again, who knows? There’ve been more stories lately of women being attacked in the wee hours of the morning, so there ya go.
Today is my company’s annual Shmoozefest event. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that the clients who are invited eat and drink on us. Now, in my role, I have limited interaction with the clients, so it’s EXTREMELY awkward for me. I don’t recognize any of them by sight, and really? Am I going to be a total creeper and stare at people’s chests to see what their nametag says, in hopes that they might be one of the 5 clients I’ve spoken with?
Plus, the Shmoozefest is even further away from my home than work is. So I know that after a few hours of awkwardness, I’ve got at LEAST an hour drive home to look forward to. Yay, rush hour. Despite the allure of eating (and drinking) on the company dime, I’m certainly not about to overindulge with that kind of a commute home ahead of me.
I hate shmoozing. I hate networking as a general rule, because it’s all so fucking fake. But shmoozing, at an event like this, just screams “We’re paying you to be nice to us.” And I hate that crap. I understand that it’s part of being in the corporate/business world. Hell, it’s just part of being in the world.
I remember when I was in high school – I was (of course) a Choir Chick, but I was certainly not the favorite of our director. It all seemed kinda political (what in high school isn’t, though?), and even then, I wanted to be recognized and acknowledged for ME as a person and my talents, not by how much ass I could kiss. However, I did take voice lessons from my Choir Director. She offered them, and a lot of the choir members took her up on it. I believe the lessons were once or twice a month, and I think it cost about $10 or $15 for the half hour long session. I remember being boggled by how NICE my Choir Director was during those sessions, whereas during choir rehearsal, I was pretty much invisible. And it’s not like I was a choral slacker, chillin’ in the background, just trying to get by doing as little as possible. The year I auditioned for our super-supremely-awesome-select-choir, I had the highest audition score. Senior year, I was chosen for the even-more-super-supremely-awesome-smaller-ensembles. So yeah, I pretty much rocked. But for whatever reason, I wasn’t as cool or awesome or visible as other choir members.
But MAN, when I PAID, it was like the heavens opened (cue angelic voices). It was very fake and transparent, to me anyway, but she was NICE to me. I remember telling people…family, friends, even back then: “Yeah, I’m paying her $15 to be nice to me for a half hour.” It actually makes me laugh now, how cranky and bitter I was about it, and what a chip on my shoulder I had about it. The favoritism was SO blatant. But I guess it was a good introduction to the “Real World” as we know it.
Wait…did I have a point here? OH, yes.
(Holy Crap, I am SO tired.)
Shmoozing. Networking. Sucking up. Fakeness. It all sucks. I hate it. But it’s part of just “the way it is”.
And so I get to engage in some awkward, less-than-fun shmoozing today. All while sitting in the hot sun and trying to survive on about 2 hours of sleep.
CAN’T FREAKIN’ WAIT.