I have to say, as much as I get all nervous and twitchy about posting my more introspective, check-out-how-fucked-up-I-am posts, I feel SO MUCH BETTER the next day. As if it’s releasing a weight off of me and my mind.
I should do it more often.
It was different in the early days in my writings online. I was more comfortable being completely open, because I wasn’t connecting my online diaries to myspace and facebook and twitter and all the different social media networks out there. Nowadays, it seems like it’s become more about promoting yourself and your product. Artists, entrepreneurs, musicians…they all use the web as a means to an end. It’s all about a person as a brand. Buy my t-shirts, check out my band, blee-blah.
I’ve got no product to promote. Come see me guzzle Coors Lights and pretend to be a pop star at Gilly’s? OK, well maybe a little (teehee).
But for me, writing has always been about releasing my inner demons and connecting with other people. Comfort and strength in numbers. And back in the day, I had that. In bushels. Now, it’s a little scarier. I take great pains to try to make sure my work life and “real” life don’t mix. And yes, it’s a little nerve-wracking to know that people from the days of yore and today are possibly reading my ramblings. But then again, if you knew me then, and you know me now, you know I’m a little bit “off” anyway. This is not a freakin’ surprise, I don’t think. I’d like to think that maybe some people from my life, both past and present, care. Not that I’m expecting a bunch of comments and responses saying, “Gee, Mer, sorry you’re kinda cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.” But you never know. Maybe someone is like, “Wow, I totally understand,” because they live it too. Maybe it’ll help explain my little quirks. Like, why when I say, “I have to leave NOW” – I ain’t kiddin’.
So the online diary/blogging game has changed. And it has made me change in some ways. But at the end of the day, if I’m feeling something, you can bet that I’ll get around to writing about it. Eventually. Whether the rest of the world gives a crap or not…eh. Of course I enjoy gettin’ the love. But first and foremost, I’m just trying to get shit off my mind.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go get ready. It’s Thursday night – karaoke night. Plus it’s the first Thursday of the month, which means it’s Helioke. That’s karaoke on helium for those of you not in the know.
Who me? Promoting? Surely you jest. *wink*