This will, quite possibly, be the longest week of my life.

The countdown is on, and there’s less than a week until Eric comes home.  I’ve tried my VERY VERY hardest to not be too Oh Woe Is Me, both online and in “real life” – I hope I have succeeded and have not annoyed the world too much.

Most of the time, I’ve been okay.  Basically just going through real life.  Work, chores, sleep, karaoke.  I’m a creature of habit, and continuity makes me happy.  Makes me feel…safe, I suppose.  I probably could have gone out more, done more…but that gives me anxiety.  I like routine.  Anything outside of it makes me so nervous.  Makes me feel ill.  Makes me want to hide in bed and mope.  I’ve done it many, many, MANY a-time.

I’m socially inept.  As much as some people in my circle may scoff at that, it’s true.  Venturing out into the world to be social, at times, makes me want to just break down and cry.  I’m not the cool kid, never have been.  I’m not the pretty girl, never will be.  So why on earth would I want to go where there’s people…looking and judging and…?

Karaoke, primarily at Gilly’s, is one of the few exceptions.  People like my singing.  Maybe if they like my singing, they’ll like me, despite all my glaring flaws.  It’s my security blanket.  My one area of pride, and woo-hoo-I-kick-ass.  Even if people are looking at me (and, as a result, making me feel ugly and insignificant) – maybe they are listening.  And that makes it (sort-of) okay.

I came home from work tonight, and got busy on sweeping up the house.  More thoroughly than I usually do.  Wow, my home is dusty.  Though I try to maintain some basic upkeep and not have the place look like an absolute pigsty, this week seems different.  He’s coming home.

Knowing Eric, the state of our home is going to be the least of his concerns.  Aw, honey, you dusted!  Sweetie, there’s no grime in the sink!  Not likely. 

Regardless, I swept, and swept.  Scrubbed the kitchen sink and counters a bit.  Made a grilled cheese sandwich.  Had a few bites of black beans.  That got me to about 630pm.

Tick, tock, tick, tock…

Check in on Facebook and Twitter and whatnot.  Not like I don’t do that all day, mind you.  Now I’m sitting in a quiet home, waiting until some decent shows come on TV.  You know, stuff on the Travel Channel, Real Chance of Love, stuff like that (don’t hate on my love for crap TV).

I’m trying to cut back on spending, and I try not to go out during the week (except Thursday, of course).  So, whereas in the past, maybe I’d take a little trip to Target or something like that to pass the time…that just isn’t happening right now.

Maybe I’ll work out later.  Maybe I won’t.  Maybe I’ll have a glass of that cheap White Zinfandel that’s in the fridge. 

Last week was just painful.  I’m certainly not wishing for something along the lines of last week’s chaos to rear its ugly head this week.  I just want it to go quickly.

I do have to do some networking-event-type-things for work this week.  As much as I HATE networking (see all my ramblings above about being socially awkward, etc.), and find it to be a painful form of torture, it’ll kill some time.  I’ll get a few free drinks and some snacks out of it. 

I’m just trying to make it through to Sunday.  Then I’ll be okay.

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About meredithelaine

thirty-something. karaoke diva. just trying to get by.
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