Eventually you get to the point where things need to change. You please others, you fill up your plate with everyone else’s desires and expectations. You can carry on for a while in this manner, but eventually things start to slip through the cracks. You start disappointing others, but mostly yourself. The bar set so high, you can’t possibly be expected to meet those expectations forever.
Some things need to change.
I am setting up some goals. Things I want to adjust in my life and accomplish. They are small things, but the small things add up when they are all overwhelming. I’m trying to make them not-so overwhelming – tolerable, handleable, and most importantly, FEASIBLE.
Goal #1: Take care of at least one household chore per night, 5-7 nights per week.
You may think, oh, this is not a big deal. But due to committments and repercussions thereof (I’ll get into that later), managing to do the dishes on a nightly basis, or dust the furniture, or go grocery shopping, etc., has become very difficult. Right now, my house is a pit, and we have very little food besides canned soup, ramen noodles and frozen chicken pot pies. None of which I want to eat in this heat, you know?
I need to allocate more time and effort to keeping a decent home. Eric works 2 jobs and doesn’t have time (most of the time). He takes care of his laundry and takes out the trash (thank god), and handles the larger “manly” tasks. He moves large pieces of furniture and hangs up shelving, things like that. The least I can do is keep the kitchen clean and straighten up the bathroom.
Grocery shopping, however, is something we love to do together. We are so domestically cheesy, wandering up and down each aisle, comparing prices and brands. So that will be on a night he has off. The rest of the week is fair game, though, for me to take care of keeping the house in shape.
Goal #2: Quit smoking.
Duh. It’s time. Mom would be so disappointed if she knew I was still smoking. Dad would literally kill me if he even knew that I am smoking. So, part of my reason for smoking is to quell some of the guilt I’m continually feeling. Plus, it’s fucking with my voice. My range (which was not that huge to begin with) has suffered. And considering that singing is my one source of pride in life…it kinda sucks, a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I still kick ass. I just kick less of it.
Goal #3: Cut back on going out.
Speaking of singing, I need to curb how often I go out. This is going to be a hard one. I already try to stick to going out Thursday/Friday/Saturday only, but I’m going to have to cut back even further. I swear I’d probably drop 20 pounds in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the Coors Lights I’m sucking down 3 nights a week. I hate thinking that I’ll miss some epic good times…but I really think that it’s got to be done. Plus it’d be nice if I could save some money, rather than spend it. That’s a huge issue there. I’m still barely making it paycheck to paycheck. I probably shouldn’t be dropping $100+ per week at the bar.
Goal #4: Walk 1-2 miles per day, 4+ days per week.
What I have learned over the past few months, is that 4 miles per day, 3-4 days per week is just too much for me. I have had more aches, pains and weird-ass injuries than it seems to be worth. I haven’t seen the results I want (see also #3 for possible explanations). I haven’t gotten to the comfort zone where 4 miles is at least tolerable. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting 4 miles to be easy-breezy…I’m not DELUSIONAL. But tolerable would at least be nice.
I think I would be better off walking less distance, but more frequency. At this point, I come home from a 4 mile walk, in pain and sweating profusely. I then take a shower and go to bed. By 830pm. No chores, no hobbies, no nothing. Lordy, I’m 34, not 84! There is no reason, besides sheer exhaustion, that I should be going to bed that early. And I should not be exhausted 3-4 nights per week.
Goal #5: Save some money.
Goals 1-3 should especially help with that. Buying groceries and making food at home instead of buying lunch (and sometimes dinner) every day. Granted, I’m eating a lot healthier these days, but I could be eating even MORE healthy by making a lot of things myself. Quitting smoking at $6+ per pack. Going out 1 or 2 nights, instead of 3+. Then put said money aside for things like my upcoming trip to Seattle this winter, a new laptop that I desperately need, or just…the FUTURE. Seriously. Eric and I talk a lot about the future, but Lord knows I am not in any way, shape or form prepared for it.
In summation, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I think that I’m currently doing a lot of the right things, I just have to tweak how I do some of them. Hopefully this will help me be healthier, happier, less tired and less stressed.
Any suggestions, words of wisdom and/or encouragement greatly appreciated.