Face facts, MeredithElaine. You are pretty fucking rad. Suck it up and deal.

On Friday night, a (male) friend of mine called me over from across the bar.  I hadn’t seen him in a couple weeks, and he said, “You have lost a LOT of weight since I last saw you.  You look great!  And you know me, I wouldn’t bullshit you.”

I thanked him profusely and told him that he made my night.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot today and wondering…why?  Granted, I’ve been working out more, eating better, in an effort to lose weight.  And a compliment is a compliment, so, you know, I’m appreciative.  But I guess my epiphany the other day has me putting this into new perspective.

Why should someone telling me that I look like I’ve lost weight boost my spirts more than the multiple compliments I get on my singing?  Or when my boyfriend tells me how beautiful I am?  Or I get a comment from a client about my awesome customer service skills?  Or when a friend of mine ALWAYS, ALWAYS notices when I have a new bag or new pair of shoes?  Or when another says that he always looks forward to seeing me at the bar because I’m one of the nicest, most genuine people he’s met?  Or when the random dude outside the bar says he wants to dance with me and then starts babbling incoherently?

Ok, maybe that last one was a bad example.

But the fact of the matter is, that I shouldn’t place extra weight (har, har) on one particular compliment because it feeds into my eternal quest to be a size 2.  Which, honestly is NEVER going to happen.  Back in 2004-ish, I got down to a size 8,  and that was torture.  That was less than 500 calories a day.  That was pills and puking and 2 hour workouts.

Did it make me a better person?  Not necessarily.  It DID, however, make me a physically smaller person.  But I stressed continually over it.  I made myself sick.  I had friends who said that I looked anorexic.  But I wasn’t a better friend, family member, or business person.  It didn’t make me a better singer.

On the other hand, does being a size 16 do any of these things?  No.  I’m not a better lover, friend, singer, WHATEVER because I’ve put on a ton of weight.  But I’m not any WORSE, either.

Point is, how good (or bad) of a person I am, is not in any way correlated with how much I weigh.  And it turns out, that regardless of the number on the scale…I kinda kick ass. So, yay me.

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About meredithelaine

thirty-something. karaoke diva. just trying to get by.
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4 Responses to Face facts, MeredithElaine. You are pretty fucking rad. Suck it up and deal.

  1. writerwriting says:

    Holla! I used to looooove getting compliments about my weight loss. Until I realized that for them to say I look amaaaazing now means I did not look amazing before (to them). Which is just crap. Losing weight does not make you a better, more lovable person. It just makes you a smaller person (and sometimes a grumpier one, because the body actually DOES need calories to function, and OMG less than 500 a day??? *HUGS*).

    And yes, you’re right on with this post. You are amazing person, regardless of size. There are awesome fat people and there are douchey fat people, just like there are awesome thin people and douchey thin people (and everything in between). Being awesome and wonderful and loved by friends is NOT defined by the number on the scale or the tag in your clothes.

    • meredithelaine says:

      Girl, it was a true sickness what I used to do to lose weight. And I’m still feeling the itch to go back. Which is pretty funny, because for everyday that I would fast or restrict or whatever…the next day I’d be all “fuck it” and do whatever I want. Hence I never “looked” anorexic or bulimic. *sigh*

      So it’s a continual battle to find the balance, and also to realize and truly BELIEVE that it doesn’t matter. As long as I am happy, and as long as I am healthy, then that should be enough.

  2. jane says:

    Our society is so weight oriented with WOMEN. Not fat men, just women! And we’re told if we’re over a 12 or so, we’re fat. Fuck ’em! I wear a 14/16, having once worn a 20/22, so I can relate with how you’re feeling.
    Let’s be honest though, it does feel good to have someone of the opposite sex compliment us.
    What stuck out the most is that your boyfriend tells you how beautiful you are. That right there, that’s what matters, cuz I’m sure he’s talking about your inner and outer beauty.

    • meredithelaine says:

      Yep, I’m hovering around a 16 right now. And Eric does tell me all the time how beautiful I am. He said it to me yesterday as I was getting ready for the party. And I said, “WOW. You REALLY think so, don’t you…?” And he was all “OF COURSE! You’re my beautiful baby.”

      I kinda nearly cried. Thank god for waterproof eyeliner and mascara. 🙂

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