A happy MeredithElaine is the one people will want to read about.

My girl, Indiegoddess (and BFF to Sparklepants), pointed me in the direction of a really awesome blog known as Shapely Prose.

I shit you not, I spent a HUGE chunk of my day at work (I am a MASTER MULTITASKER) reading the posts, going back to about January of this year, if I recall correctly.  I was just fascinated by the writing.  Funny, informative, snarky, and with a purpose.   Primarily, the blog covers all things related to Fat Acceptance/Body Acceptance, but also touches upon other important issues.  Lots of things that, admittedly, I know nothing about, because I am painfully self-centered and ditzy.

But body issues?  I can vibe with that.  My LIFE is one ginormous body issue.  I have been up and down (mostly up) the scale more times than I want to admit.  I have popped more pills, dropped more money on diet plans, done more crazy workouts than anyone should.  Since I was about 10 years old.  And I have also dabbled in every eating-disordered behavior you can conjure up.

And these women are all about acceptance,  rights and loving yourself as you are and not beating yourself because you do not look how “society” is saying you should.  I am really doing the blog a disservice by trying to describe it after only have been reading it for one day.  Just go READ IT.  And revel in the positivity and humor of it all.

Honestly, if I can get myself personally into that place where I can accept myself as I am, and embrace my AWESOMENESS, that would be so awesome.  I have “fat” (see, I still have issues SAYING that) friends who are sexy, talented, funny, smart and I think the world of them.  But when I look at myself, I don’t see anything like that (though my friends, boyfriend and various random boys who show up at Gilly’s would beg to differ).

On a good day, I have some relatively positive thoughts about myself. But most of the time, I am poking and prodding at my stomach, slapping my thighs to watch in horror as they jiggle.  I am reeling in guilt because I ate PAD THAI (with tofu) for lunch, instead of the 280 calorie Lean Cuisine micro-meal that I brought to work that day.  I turn down most invitations to go out during the week, even from MY OWN BOYFRIEND because OMG THE CALORIES.   I just did that earlier this week.  Monday night, Eric got home from work a little early and asked if I wanted to go to this one bar for karaoke.  And I even turned THAT down.  Because oh the beer and the calories and the late night munchies and the horror.  Not the fact that I could have schooled everyone at karaoke and gotten a thousand compliments on my voice, made some new friends… but NoooOOOoooOOOo.  I fell victim to the almighty fat gram.

So if by reading more blogs like Shapely Prose, take a tip from my fabulous “fat” (sorry, quotes again), educating myself and working really hard at it, maybe I can get to that point where I look in the mirror, think “I’m a fucking DIVA.  HELL YEAH.”  and actually BELIEVE it.

NOTE: I just have to say that this post turned out nothing like I planned.  I was definitely going to pimp out Shapely Prose, but I was going to do more of a compare contrast:  Blogs That Make Me Happy vs. Blogs That Make Me Want To Stab People.  I almost want to link the stabby-stab-stab blog, but maybe I’ll save that for its own post.

NOTE 2: Off to karaoke I go!

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About meredithelaine

thirty-something. karaoke diva. just trying to get by.
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8 Responses to A happy MeredithElaine is the one people will want to read about.

  1. Erica says:

    I wish I could get to where you are. I want to love Shapely Prose, but for some reason I feel like I can’t reach health goals and be all Fat Acceptance. And yet, I do think I am pretty awesome. It’s a problem.

    Also, don’t link to the crazy blog I think you want to link to! I think this is what she thrives on, and my guess is that she is actually one smart cookie, and writes posts like she does just to make people like us crazy, and she laughs all the way to the bank.

    • meredithelaine says:

      I hear ya. I honestly still work out (sort of), and want to lose some weight, but this time for me it is different. Because every time before it was all about LOOKS, 100%. And while yes, some of it still is, a lot MORE of it is HEALTH. About 2 summers ago, my legs started swelling up for no apparent reason and my blood pressure was so alarming that I had to leave my doctors office to go get an ultrasound done on my legs, because they were afraid I had blood clots. It just scared me so much that I was like – WOW, something has GOT to change. And, honestly, change has been a long time coming. I don’t want to be stricken with mystery illnesses, or winded when I walk to my car, etc. BUT, on the otherhand, I don’t want to feel so guilty when I eat a freakin’ California Burrito that I am crying and beating myself up (figuratively and literally). I’m just trying to find some balance, which, to be honest, has ALWAYS been a problem for me. I’m always one extreme or the other.

      AND, as for your advice on the Blog Of Which We Dare Not Name – you are probably right on that. The post early this week was a good example.

  2. @Erica — there’s another strand of the fat acceptance movement you might be interested in knowing about (and you too, Mer). It’s called Health At Every Size (HAES) and focuses on just that. It’s a misconception and a lie that fat = unhealthy and thin = healthy. There are fat anorexics and thin overeaters. But acceptance is a personal journey and no one can make it until they’re ready. It has taken me yearrrrs to get there, and I’m not 100% acceptance of myself, but for the past two years or so, sites like Shapely have completely changed my view on a lot of things. 🙂

    @Mer — YAY!! You should also check out Big Fat Deal (http://www.bfdblog.com). It’s not as popular and posting isn’t as frequent but the ladies who run it are generally pretty amazing. You should also check out Kate’s BMI project (it should be linked somewhere on Shapely Prose). Beauty (and health) come in all sizes and all BMIs (which isn’t a good indicator of health anyway since it doesn’t take into account anything but two fairly arbitrary physical characteristics…but that’s a rant for another day :D). LOVE YOU!

    • meredithelaine says:

      I really do have to thank you and IG for being such a huge source of inspiration to me. Your humor and positivity and just having a freakin’ clue is something that I admire so much in the both of you. I miss you both so very, very much, and I know that I have been out of the loop for a while, but hopefully me coming back into the blogging world will change that. I LOVE YOU.

  3. Wow! Meredith, this is so much what I want to hear you saying about yourself. You have NO idea how thrilled I am that you went and read, and that you saw GOOD things about yourself because of it, and that maybe the $29 billion “diet” industry’s impact on the world could be one beautiful person whom I love no matter what their shape or size SMALLER with you trying not to buy into it anymore. Lol, I’m punny.

    Honestly, your fear that you are unacceptable somehow leaks into most of what I see you talk about (although I just found your blog via sparklepants TODAY where have *I* been?) on Twitter, etc. It’s heart breaking because NONE OF IT IS TRUE. You are this amazing, gorgeous, hugely talented woman that I ADORE, and… Believe me, I know what you’re going through, and what you’re talking about. I know where Erica is coming from, too. I’ve been there. I spent a lot of time at FA blogs feeling like they were true for EVERYONE else, but if I JUST ATE 100 calories a day, maybe my PCOS and my thyroid problems would magically go away and I’d become this toned-ab, 90 pound (even though that’s CONTRADICTORY) goddess. I still feel, most days, like it’s true for EVERYONE ELSE. DIETS FAIL FOR EVERYONE ELSE. 4+ HOURS OF EXERCISE A DAY MAKES SOME PEOPLE VERY VERY IN-SHAPE FAT PEOPLE… BUT 4+ HOURS A DAY OF EXERCISE FOR *ME* WILL MAKE ME SKINNY!!!! A DIET FOR *ME* WILL MAKE ME SKINNY!!!

    I grew up with a bulimic mother (she was disordered my entire life, and still is) and a family OBSESSED with weight. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am on the self-acceptance scale, and I’m not that far along. It’s taken me LESS time to rearrange my thinking about eating, because I’ve SEEN what a disastrous impact that had on not only my mother but the family she raised. OUR IDEAS ABOUT FOOD WERE FUCKED UP. Hey! I could change THAT! I could realize that food choices were not MORAL choices! I could realize that, like you said about being self-centered, that’s what most of our culture spends its time thinking about: me, my body, my weight, my caloric intake, my my me me. And how much time would you have to develop yourself as a singer, as a human, if you weren’t spending all that brain power obsessing over every little thing you eat, or every little beer you drink? How much more fun would you have with Eric if you went out with him when he asked, rather than staying at home, prodding yourself (and btw, everyone’s thighs jiggle. Even really skinny people with no fat on their legs. When I was an athlete with like 0% fat on my legs, they still jiggled. It’s just the state of being at rest).

    OMG this comment turned into a rant, didn’t it? Maybe I ought to post in my own blog once in awhile, rather than in comments and LJ responses. But the summary of it is this (TL;DR): I feel the same way. It’s ALL TRUE, EXCEPT FOR ME. I am amazed by you, and so proud of you, and I KNOW you can be/are about more than just your weight. You are beautiful. You CAN reject the lies. You CAN reject the stereotypes. You CAN DO IT. We can do it *together*.

    I’m always here for you. And I’m glad you loved the blog. *hugs*

    • meredithelaine says:

      ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY BEFORE 8 IN THE MORNING?!?!?!!?

      Like I said in my comment above to SparklePants…you both inspire me so much. And thank you SO SO SO much for all your encouragement and pointing me in the direction of Shapely Prose to begin with. I know I have a long way to go on this journey, but at least the journey has begun, you know? Funny, but I already feel as if a weight (now I’M being punny, LOL) is starting to be lifted off of me.

      Love you bunches!

  4. I also wanted to add that being fat positive and body accepting doesn’t mean you can’t work out or eat yummy salads! It’s about being nice to your body and your mind and listening when your body wants that plate of nachos or that bowl of spinach, wants to dance around your apartment in your undies or sit on the couch and watch Real Housewives all weekend.

    I LOVE YOU MER.

    • meredithelaine says:

      WORD.

      Speaking of Real Housewives – what a trainwreck the NJ season is going to be. I saw the preview episode yesterday. I’ve been to the Brownstone for a wedding, holy crap it’s NIIIIICE. And I know EXACTLY where Franklin Lakes is. I just bummed because even in the preview, the Jersey stereotype was running rampant.

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